Response to a Sister Upset with Men’s Reward in Jannah

The Context

A sister posted to our sub bemoaning the Hoor al-‘Ayn that men receive in Jannah. This unmarried, unengaged, single sister talked about how she spent hours crying some days, thinking how her husband will have hooris if he enters Jannah.

The Response

Sister, it seems to me you have a fundamental flaw in your understanding of a few key concepts related to both life and the religion. I apologize if my candor is upsetting, it’s not my intention, but I think we often tiptoe around these important topics and it doesn’t benefit us to do so.

Some Questions to Think About

• does it upset you that men do not have periods?
• does it upset you that men do not give birth?
• does it upset you that you’re not able to urinate standing up?
• does it upset you that men have to wear their pants above their ankles?
• does it upset you that you can’t grow a full beard?
• does it upset you that men have to maintain their wives and families financially?
• does it upset you that men are more analytic thinkers, generally speaking, and women more emotionally intelligent?

If the answer to the above is "No," then why does it upset you that most men desire multiple wives, while most women desire a single man? In fact, just with the statement laid out like that, you can see the wisdom and perfection of Allah’s decree—to the woman, what she desires (being married to a just one man) and to the man what he desires (to be married to multiple women). This is like if you’re at a party and everyone gets a single slice of cake. You share yours with someone but then are upset if anyone else also shares some with him.

Jannah

As for Paradise, then truly, our concern should only be with getting in.

That said, I’ve heard of women clutching their pearls over men having multiple wives in Jannah and it always feels so incredibly shortsighted.

Some Questions to Think About

• are you upset that you have to work for a living in this world?
• does it bother you that you have to seek out food and sustenance and then eat it intentionally?
• are you upset that you have to seek out shelter and live in a house?

The you that was a fetus did not have any such worldly concerns, yet you were alive for a period of roughly 8 months in the belly of your mother, with all your concerns taken care of by The One Who Created You, and you were content because you hadn’t yet learned ingratitude. The same Allah who decreed you would be in a safe place (as the womb is referred to in the Qur’an¹) for 9 months before your birth is the same Allah who has promised:

"I have prepared for My righteous slaves that which no eye has seen, no ear has heard and it has never crossed the mind of man. All of that is reserved, besides which all that you have known is as nothing."

—Sahih al-Bukhari 3072, Sahih Muslim 2824

And He has said in his Noble Qur’an:

"No person knows what is kept hidden for them of joy as a reward for what they used to do"

—Qur’an (as-Sajdah) 32:17

So will you then put your meager, human mind and imagination up against that which Allah has created? Who knows better what you will be pleased with? You or Allah the Most High? Just think in this world, how many things you begged Him for which were terrible for you, which you didn’t get and you came to know afterwards that you were saved from a wretched affair?

"and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allâh knows but you do not know."

—Qur’an (al-Baqarah) 2:216

In addition to this, Jannah is full of only perfection. Everyone is young, tall, and beautiful. I have heard students of knowledge mention that the wives of men in Jannah will be even more beautiful than the hooris, and a man will leave his house in the morning, and when he returns, he will say to his wife, "By Allah, when I left I thought you were so beautiful but now, upon my return, I find you even more beautiful than before!" and she will say the same to him.

Death, sadness, rancor, jealousy, envy, hatred—all these feelings and more will be eradicated before anyone enters Jannah. So however you feel about anything on Earth will be completely irrelevant by the time we get to Jannah, by the permission of Allah.

May Allah make us from among those who are blessed with Jannatul Firdous al-‘Ala. Ameen.

Marriage

In Islam, a man with multiple wives has to fulfill ALL the rights due to each one. That means that for all intents and purposes, for her, it’s almost no different to being married to a man who has no other wives. She is still:

• being taken care of financially
• being taken care of emotionally
• having her needs met sexually
• respected and her family is also given their due respect
• within her rights to have children from the union

Polygyny isn’t for everyone at the end of the day, so you can write it into your contract if it’s an issue for you.

To Be Muslim

Ultimately, what does it mean to be Muslim?

"The only statement of the [true] believers when they are called to Allah and His Messenger to judge between them is that they say, ‘We hear and we obey.’ And those are the successful."

—Qur’an (an-Nur) 24:51

Citations