Advice to One Who Feels Irredeemable After Major Sins

The Context

As the title suggests, a sister posted to our sub about the guilt and shame she felt from her previous life before being guided. She was despairing, leaving off Salah, and becoming increasingly suicidal. A perfect target for Shaiytaan.

May Allah make things easy for her and grant her good. Ameen.

The Advice

﷽

Did you know, sister? The Muslim is not allowed to despair in the mercy of Allah.

"Indeed, no one despairs of relief from Allah except the disbelieving people."

—Qur’an (Yusuf) 12:87

As for suicide, you are correct. This is categorically forbidden.

"And do not throw [yourselves] with your [own] hands into destruction."

—Qur’an (al-Baqarah) 2:195

So glad tidings to the believers, who know they have a merciful Lord who forgives them!

"Say, ‘O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.’"

—Qu’ran (az-Zumar) 39:53

I was listening to a lecture by a Shaykh not too long ago and he mentioned something that I found amazing, regarding the devil’s deception:

(paraphrased) He is the one who, when it’s time to *commit* a sin, whispers to you, “It’s okay—we’ll just repent for it later!”

However, once you’ve committed the sin, he pulls a pikachu face and makes you think, “Oh no, what have I done?! How will Allah ever forgive me for this disgusting act of transgression I’ve committed?! I can never be forgiven!”

And so in this way, he traps you into a mindset that ensures you will never turn to Allah and be forgiven, because you don’t ask for it. SO many ayat and ahadith explain to us how Allah is only waiting for His slaves to turn to Him. That is the only delay. Forgiveness is assured, the hold up is just in our turning to Allah.

And don’t think for a second you’re the only one who has gone through what you’re going through, or sinned as you have. Indeed it is in human nature to sin, and the sins of desires are the easiest of all for us, because of the inclinations inherent in each of us.

With that said, just turn to Allah. ♥ It doesn’t matter how ashamed you feel—in fact, it’s good to feel regret since that helps to fuel a sincere repentance. But what makes you delay in seeking forgiveness? Do you think Allah doesn’t already know what you’ve done? Of course He does. So repent to Him and show your sincerity in coming to the right path.

And this isn’t really me, I just feel that way because I feel so impure.

It is okay to feel regret; it is not okay to despair, or to feel that your mistakes define who you are. They do not.

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, The a"dulterer is not a believer while he is committing adultery. The drinker of wine is not a believer while he is drinking wine. The thief is not a believer while he is stealing. The plunderer is not a believer while he is plundering and the people are looking to him."

In another narration, the Prophet said, "And he is not a believer while he is killing."

—Sahih al-Bukhari 2343, Sahih Muslim 57

I’m sharing this to draw your attention to the wording of the hadith, specifically (which I’ve emphasized for your benefit). While you were sinning, you may have been impure, yes, but you are not currently sinning, alhamdulillah. You are begging Allah for forgiveness, and this is something the believer does and the believer is pure.

Anas ibn Malik reported: The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "All of the children of Adam are sinners, and the best sinners are those who repent."

—Sunan at-Tirmidhi 2499

So the condition of the believer is like that.

It’s gotten to the point where salah isn’t even helping.

Another trick of the Shaiytaan. He hopes to distract you and cause you enough hopelessness that you turn away from Salah, which would be a greater sin than the one you’re discussing in this post.

Let me repeat that: LEAVING OFF SALAH IS A GREATER SIN THAN ZINA.

‘Abdullah bin Buraidah narrated that his father said: "The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: ‘The covenant that distinguishes between us and them is prayer; so whoever leaves it, he has committed Kufr.’"

—Sunan Ibn Majah 1079

Salah will help 100%, you just have to keep at it so Shaiytaan can see that his antics aren’t working. Who is more truthful? Shaiytaan, the consummate liar and enemy of the believers, or Allah, The Most High?

"Verily, Salah restrains (oneself) from shameful and unjust deeds…"

—Qur’an (al-‘Ankabut) 29:45

You went on to mention:

I just feel like I’ve failed as a Muslim and I’ve failed in life.

As mentioned above, the Muslim is the one who turns to Allah again and again. So do that. You are not your past. You are what you do about it. So turn to Allah and He will forgive you. We have countless ahadith and ayat about Allah forgiving MUCH worse than what you’ve done.

Even to Fir’aun, who is among the worst of the people in all of creation, who will be in the depths of the Hellfire, Allah sent His noble prophet Musa (alayhisalaam)—to do what?

"And speak to him with gentle speech that perhaps he may be reminded or fear [Allah]."

—Qur’an (Taha) 20:44

Subhanallah, a great Prophet was sent to Fir’aun so that he might repent for his sin of associating himself as a partner with Allah. And if Fir’aun had not been arrogant and accepted the message, begging Allah for forgiveness, Allah would have forgiven even him!

So give yourself a little perspective. It is not the end of the world. Yes, it’s a major sin and you fell into it. Many, many, many people do. Upon us is to turn to Allah and ask for forgiveness with a sincere heart, to not return to the sin, and to busy ourselves with goodness instead.

And Allah knows best.