Questions About Women in Islam

﷽

As always, I’d like to begin by clarifying that I am neither a scholar nor a student of knowledge. Most of what you’ve asked should be asked to a scholar. Luckily, similar inquiries have been made that I will try to pull from when sharing some general advice from what little knowledge I have. May Allah forgive and correct any mistakes I make.

The Context

A sister had posted some doubts and questions she had related to the topic of women. In it, she referenced some ayat and ahadith, which I did a point-by-point breakdown of.

The Response

The first thing we have to understand is: the male is not like the female.¹ Who tells us this? Our Creator, the One who made us—and who is more knowledgeable than He? Indeed, His Knowledge encompasses all things. Biologically, socially, emotionally, mentally—men and women are different.

Spiritually, however, men and women have equity before Allah (azza wa jal). In the Qur’an, Allah calls the believing men and women helpers/allies of one another, and reiterates the obligations of Islam upon them (equally on both).² Islam repeatedly addresses the believing men and the believing women.

3 Evil Omens

Here is a slightly technical explanation of this narration, if you’d like to go in-depth.

The first thing to point out is that there is no such thing as bad omens in Islam and, indeed, to believe in them is Shirk. When blessings come to a person, it is only by the permission of Allah and when calamity strikes a person, it is likewise through the Decree of Allah. So one should be grateful or patient, as the situation requires.

That said, if I didn’t read the above article, I could look at the hadith and think, "Yea, sounds about right." Why? Because men chasing the dunya don’t destroy themselves so easily on anything like they do a woman, accommodation, or their transport. These are things that are beautified for men, which often blind them.

It does not mean that women are a curse. Rather, Abdullah bin Amr narrated that:

the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: "This world is but provisions, and there is no provision in this world better than a righteous wife."³

So how can it be that women, as a whole, are evil beings if they are also from among the best this world has to offer?

Majority of Hell

Women are not blamed for men going to hell, this is absolutely incorrect and erroneous thinking. The men who go astray will be held to account for what they do. And if what caused them to go astray was intentional deviation by a woman, she will be held to account for that.

As a recent modern example which springs to mind, in 2014 Michelle Carter sent a series of texts to her boyfriend Conrad Roy encouraging him to and insisting that he kill himself, which he did. She was convicted of manslaughter and sentenced to 15 months in jail (recently, she was just released early after completing 11 months with good behavior).

Did Carter kill Roy? No. Did she have a hand in his eventual, tragic demise? Yes, clearly.

Without looking at the hadith from a scholarly perspective (which I do encourage folks to do), it’s plainly warning women against the power they have over men, the fitnah they create because of the weakness in men.⁴ Again, the woman is a colossal fitnah for men, because the desire for and love of women has been instilled in them, it is a part of the fitrah which is innate to men.⁵

Women Arranging Marriage

Historically speaking, the only women who gave themselves away in marriage or, more generally, were available sexually by their own discretion (not to be confused with choice), were prostitutes or adulteresses.

In Islam, the woman always has access to a wali, and there is a clear delineation of who must take up the responsibility if her father passes away or is otherwise indisposed for the task. Meaning, in Islam, the woman is never left to her own devices, floundering in "the system" and being taken advantage of by any Tom, Dick, or Harry. There is no shortcut. Men have to come correct or keep it moving. And this is not a privilege secured only for noblewomen or those of a certain lineage, socioeconomic class, etc. Even if she is a homeless orphan, someone is there to check up on anyone claiming to be interested so that the opportunity to take advantage is minimized.

Prostrating to Husbands

Sister, in the hadith itself, it forbids prostrating to the husband.⁶ Please reread it. "Were I to command" is not the same as "I command," and in fact, is a refutation itself. If your husband asks you to prostrate to him, check him into a mental facility and get some divorce paperwork going, aouthubillah. May Allah protect us from such ignorant and arrogant men.

Obedience

The obedience to the husband is great, in Islam, and there is no denying this. That is because this is what Allah has commanded, and again, He is above all things knowledgeable.

Here is an important video that struggling Muslimahs should watch. It’s not overly techinical and easy to sit through; a casual conversation format that touches on many issues that modern women face due to the environments and fitan we’ve been raised in.

You are right that many Muslim men love to harp on about obedience, but in reality, most of them (the ones who are well-meaning), are doing this because they see the world around them in which the value of the man has been decimated and the laws of Allah are brushed aside in the interests of "progress". So they may have a fear of not being able to live according to Allah’s commandments if their wife prescribes to these ideas. At the end of the day, the wife is not responsible for the husband, so his actions are not upon her but the husband is responsible for the wife, thus her actions and deviations are his business. We see here, again, the mercy Allah bestowed upon the woman, wherein she is not responsible for the man.

Rights and responsibilities are natural in any group environment, and marriage is no different. However, they never really come up as a point of contention until conflicts arise, so the rules and regulations are our guide on how these things should be handled. Is the relationship of husband and wife one of slave and master? Of course not. But can it be said the authority a man has over his house is one of a master? Absolutely. The same way a boss has the authority of a master over his employee, even though the employee is not technically a slave.

Discipline

Much of what’s worth saying on the topic is already covered by better people in the video I linked in the previous section. In brief: the one who has authority is the one who can discipline, which is why you don’t see a son able to discipline his mother, as he has no authority over her to do that. As discussed already, the authority within a marriage belongs to the husband. The woman has authority over the home and the children, and the husband has authority over the home, children, and the wife. The buck stops with him, ultimately.

However, this does not mean that a wife is bound to suffer under a cruel and tyrant husband. If she feels her religious rights are violated, or she is being harmed in the marriage (whether physically, emotionally, financially, etc.), then Islam has given her the ability to divorce him.

Additionally, the Qur’an lays out a clear guidance to how problems should be resolved within a marriage, what steps should be taken, and who should be called in to intercede (and when). Muslims do not jump to divorce as the immediate solution to any marital discord! The "hitting" which is so often and so ignorantly spoken about, is a last resort measure, a final step. It is only applicable if it will bring about a harmonious resolution for the marriage. Even then, it is boxed in by conditions which are well-known and discussed in the video in detail, so please refer to it.

What Does an Islamic Marriage Look Like?

Let’s look at the Sunnah of the best man in all of creation, to find out:

Anas reported: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ), had a Persian neighbour who would make good soup. He made some for the Prophet and then came to invite him. The Prophet said, “And this is my wife, A’ishah.” The man said no, so the Prophet said no. The man returned another time and invited him. The Prophet said, “And this is my wife.” The man said no, so the Prophet said no. Then, the man returned another time and invited him. The Prophet said, “And this is my wife.” The man said yes on the third time. The two left together until they arrived at the man’s house.

—Sahih Muslim 2037

In another hadith:

An-Nawawi said, "The Prophet disliked attending a special meal without her, for this is among the beauties of married life, the rights of companionship, and the emphasized manners of gathering."

—Sharh an-Nawawi ‘ala Sahih Muslim 2036

Still another hadith tells us:

It was narrated from Ibn Abbas that: "the Messenger of Allah said: ‘There is nothing like marriage, for two who love one another.’"

—Sunan Ibn Majah 1847

And there are many more, besides, in both the Qur’an and the Sunnah. Due to space constraints, we will conclude this section with just what’s mentioned above.

The Muslim Family

Everyone reading this should do themselves a favor and watch the excellent series on The Muslim Family that Shakh Muhammad Tim Humble did. It is a comprehensive, top-down explanation of the entire framework of the Muslim family unit. It’s the only resource of its kind I know of in the English language on YouTube. May Allah reward the Shaykh for his effort. Ameen.

I urge anyone reading to watch the playlist in its entirity. Watch it with your families, watch it yourselves, send it to your potentials and have them watch it.

In Closing

There’s much more to say on the topic, but we’ll suffice ourselves with this: it’s upon each of us to learn our religion properly from the correct sources. Those upon the haqq, who take their understanding from Qur’an and Sunnah with the understanding of the Sahaba.

Learn who your Creator is so you can work on giving Him His rights. Once you understand the Greatness and Majesty of Allah, you will rush to submit to Him.

Please keep in mind, brothers and sisters: this world is a prison for the believer and a paradise for the disbeliever.⁷ We were not meant to make decisions that will further this short life but to look longterm.

Let’s keep our eyes on the prize, inshallah.

As-salaam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.

Footnotes